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Military connected children get lots of attention before and during a deployment. It’s a time of major changes and lots of stress.

But once the troops step off the bus and into waiting arms, focus tends to shift away. After all, this should be in incredibly happy time for military kids.

Having a parent return home from deployment, or another long separation, is incredibly happy. The family is complete again!

But there are some hidden stressors that could cause a little bit of trouble for Kids of America’s Heroes.

Reintegration Stress for MilKids & How To Help

Learn some of the pain points many military kids experience following a parent’s homecoming.

Shifting Family Dynamics

During deployment, the at-home parent made the rules and set the expectations. While Mom or Dad was deployed, things changed at home. Bedtimes got later, chores were shifted around, certain rules might have been relaxed or added.

There’s no way around it: things changed while their parent was gone.

But because this was just the new normal, it wasn’t ever mentioned. It could be something little, like Taco Night replacing Spaghetti Dinner once a week. Or it might be something bigger, like a serious rule change or on-going consequence.

The returning parent honestly might not know about the changes. So they go back to the old normal. In some cases, changes in rules and leadership can cause friction between parents.

Military kids are often caught in the middle during this adjustment period. They know how things were before deployment, but now they’re used to how this were during deployment. It can be hard to know which rules to follow or who to listen to most.

Parental Trauma Trickle Down

During deployment, Mom or Dad might have experienced scary or dangerous situations. They might have seen friends wounded or killed.

Experiencing trauma like that can leave a lasting impression on people. These invisible injuries are almost impossible to see, but can be made worse by stress.

Trying to fit back into your family and adjusting back to regular life can be stressful. Loud sounds, flashing lights, screaming kids. These sensory experiences can trigger heightened emotions and reactions from PTSD and other invisible wounds.

Kids might know when they have pushed too far or what noise might cause a scary reaction. They might start to be wary of triggering their military parent. Treading lightly all the time is a huge source of stress.

Broken or Damaged Trust

Even if fitting the family back together goes really smoothly, or even if there aren’t any injuries that need to be healed, it can still be hard for kids to adjust post-deployment.

Kids of America’s Heroes can experience frequent changes in their home life. A parent leaving and returning repeatedly upsets the balance at home. It might be hard for that child to trust that her parent will stay with her or remain at home.

This could result in a weaker connection, but not unloving, toward the returning parent. Children might also experience stress when their parents are not present, such as with a babysitter or at school.

How You Can Help Kids of America’s Heroes Post-Deployment

MilKids need all the help they can get after their deployed parent returns. It might feel like they need to just get on with things and be strong. The assumption seems to be that life should carry on as it had before.

But that’s not always the case.

Parents/Family Members

Check in often with your children before, during, and after their other parent’s homecoming. Involve them in planning the welcome home celebration.

Many children benefit from using a physical comfort object, like a Daddy Doll or their parent’s shirt. Use this tool to help keep their connection strong throughout deployment and reunion.

Give your child time and space to adjust. Don’t force them to be 100% happy or okay with what is happening.

It might help to relax the rules during the adjustment period. Give everyone a little bit more room for errors, emotions, and changes. As you all get used to each other again, work as a team to create new routines and expectations together.

Praise your child for what is going well in their life. Remind them of how successful and special they are in your life.

Explain any concerns about their parent’s injuries or emotions in child friendly terms. Reading about another child’s experiences can help your child to process their own emotions.

Trusted Adults in the Community

Remain present and supporting in this child’s life. Military kids are often seeking out trusted mentors who are not just fair weather friends.

Let your MilKid know that you can provide a safe space for them to vent, grieve, rage, or escape.

Continue to monitor the MilKids in your life for sudden changes in mood, emotions, behavior, or grades. All of these can signal major underlying causes for concern.

Connect with their parents and maintain their trust. Share concerns about your MilKid with Mom and Dad, but don’t give away any non-dangerous secrets. Keeping those lines of communication open all the way is crucial!

Ready to help LOTS of military families? Join KOAH!

We provide essential supports and services aimed to help the Kids of America’s Heroes feel loved. By volunteering your time or donating to our cause, you will touch the lives of countless military connected children around the country!